The close of 2018

Here we are at the end of yet another year.  I want to be positive and say there’s been more good than bad through this year, but it’s really been more of a year of frustration that has mostly been my own fault because I have not taken advantage of opportunities God’s put in front of me.  That or just squandered them.

And here I am with another year gone and not being any, or much, at least financially, closer to my goal of moving out to Los Angeles.

Sounds pretty negative, doesn’t it?  It’s not, really.  It’s like I am finally getting it that I have to take advantage of these opportunities God puts in front of me.  It’s like He’s saying, “Yes, L.A. is what I want for you.  Here is something to help you get there.”  If I keep pushing Him away and then complaining that nothing it helping me, we kind of know what the problem is, don’t we?  It’s like saying, “I don’t want this beautiful rose with thirteen petals on it. I only like roses with fourteen petals on them.”  It’s a rose.  Take it.

And yet.  And yet.  And yet God remains patient with me.  Gracious with me.  Provides opportunities.  Perhaps that is why I hang on to the L.A. dream: I know, as I write this, that this is what God wants for me as well because He keeps giving me stuff to help me get there; I’ve just been to scared or lazy to take them.

Sometimes I don’t pray very much. It’s not because of not believing.  It’s because I do believe, and I know, personally, that God answers prayer. And sometimes God is going to, in response to my prayer, ask me to do something with which I’m not comfortable.  I used to ask God to teach me patience.  Let’s say, He sure has.  I should be mindful of what I ask for!  He will help me, and it will be for my betterment.  He will answer my prayer,  But it may not be in the way I expect–sometimes hilariously not.

Looking forward:  accepting and taking advantage of what God puts in front of me.  Especially, perhaps, when I asked for it.

Merry New Year.

-Sean

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